I love my kids, no matter where life leads them.
I say this because I belong to the LGBTQ family now because on child 2 and 3. The funny thing about it is when each child told me about it, it didn’t bug me or disappoint me.
I was happy they could live their lives without hiding.
Now, close family and friends know of this but I’m writing about this for a different reasons. Mainly two reasons.
The first is explaining that this family is huge. These letters only cover a fraction of the community and I don’t think people truly get it until you began to research.
Now, this isn’t a political post. This is about my journey as a mom to understand, and love my kids as I should. True parents know the minute you have kids, it’s not about you anymore, and that still rings true once your kids are grown. Just means its a different sacrifice.
Child 2 told me from age 12 they were Asexual. They have been though a lot, and since that time, some opinions have changed but not many. It was never my job to change their mind. That’s toxic.
Understand, as a child of the 80s, I grew up with either getting threatened with bodily harm or disowned to belong to that community. I also had to unlearn a lot of stereotypes that came with that. I mean I’m from Ohio, these things weren’t embraced like they should be.
As I got into my 30s and really began to come into my own, it dawned on me how toxic a lot of lessons on the topic was. My logic is if I don’t want to be treated like that, I’m not going to treat others that way. Then as I read more, it got deeper than that.
For me, it was learning who all comes under that umbrella of greatness, and how supportive I can be.
Back to the point, when child 2 told me about it, and I let others know, the “well her opinion may change” or “she doesn’t know what that means. She’s too young to know”.
Parents, please stop doing that. Your kids aren’t stupid, and their peer group doesn’t involve you after the age of 10. That’s science. They are talking with friends about these things, and kids do feel things. It’s disrespectful to think this way. If you want your kids to still talk to you honestly, you need to be open to your child thinking and feeling different than you. Means you did your job that they still talk to you about these things.
We talked, and I just listened. I’m here for them. Not to make me look good. They are 22 and still feel that way. I love them regardless. They are are my sassy, wise, artist. Don’t sleep on their talents.
Now……..the one that threw me was child 3. Non Binary is a new concept to me.
Changing their name and pronouns was a new concept for me. I’m still reading on what I’m supposed to do to support them, because again, it’s not about me. I’m the parent, but my views, and what I want doesn’t matter. It’s about them living their authentic life. They are 16, but feelings and thoughts aren’t any less important at that age versus 50. It’s about them trusting me, and knowing they have my support.
I’m proud of them both that they can be them. I write this because these are learning lessons for parents more than the child. They are coming out to you because they trust you and you are their safe space. If they don’t think that, kids will cut you off. Before you have that outdated, embarrassing, grab your pearls moment, breathe.
When your child talks about important things, don’t come at them with your me isms and feelings. Remember those times you talked to your parents and instead of them being understanding you, they blew up and how that feeling was. it’s not fun.
Just love them. That’s what unconditional means. Also means these hands are rated “E” for everybody, so if you come onto this blog or in-person to my crew sideways, you’ll be introduced to them on a personal level.
Now excuse me while I go buy my Non Binary, Demisexual, and Asexual flags to fly in my windows. Don’t know what that means, do the work to learn and understand. You may learn about yourself in the process!
When i say this is a safe space, I truly mean it.
Happy Pride Month yall!!!!!!