Bar 101: Playing Cards with the Villains

As I made my way to bed last night, I was exhausted. Dreamland would be my ‘Mr. Jones’, and I would fully enjoy the rest I needed so badly.

I drifted off the sleepyland, and it began to look very…….this wasn’t my house. This was a dark area, and I approached a table. As I got closer, it was a gambling table, and five beings were at that table.

Five disney beings were at that table. What the hell did I eat before going to bed? One chair was open, right in the middle for me. I looked around, first noticing Chester the Cat from Alice and wonderland, was the dealer.

“What in the world?”

He grinned, and dealt me in.

“We brought you in, because we needed another player, and you need to judge our cocktails”, she took that drag off the cigarette extender, and leaned forward exposing her face. Would you know it was Ursela. I playing cards with cartoons.

Note to self: don’t eat dinner late ever again.

“Mickey! Stop dragging ass and get my round going!”

“Why your round first?” a voice slurred out.

“Keep up your snide remarks, I’ll put you at the bottom of the ocean”.

“Fine, but my cocktail is better”.

“Your a lion, how in the hell do you have a cocktail? I’ll never understand you being here”.

“Your an octopus, your point”, Scar asked chewing on a philly cheesesteak.

Facepalm was all I could do. I’m playing cards with Disney characters, who are threatening to kill each other over some cocktails.

I just did what I normally do, roll with it. I looked over my hand, and felt it was pretty decent. Mickey came back around with Ursela’s Cocktail, like she commanded. He looked stressed, worried, and tired all in one. Who knows how long he was down here, I mean cartoons don’t die. Then again, I thought they never age, but Mickey looked like he was shooting up to keep going. Nothing made sense anymore. He placed this purple cocktail in front of me, and I had to admit, Mickey was awesome at this stuff. Good second income for him.

“Well drink it and tell these imbeciles that we should serve my drink over theirs”

“If you don’t shut your food trap, I’ll send you back to that cave you call home”, this other voice said, “Go head child, and drink. You have five more to judge”. I felt this cold calmy hand, and looked over to see Malificient. Taking a long sip, it was this purple berry margarita slurpie type of drink, and it was fabulous. Well blended, and gave me a feeling of being on an island somewhere……


“well pretty girl, what say you? I call it the temptress. I can land another prince this way”.

“Unless he is blind, deaf, stupid and drunk, I don’t see it happening. Even my dogs aren’t that stupid”, Cruella chuckled.

“It’s a great mix, I’ll make a decision after I taste them all”.

“She’s fair, I like her……for now”, as he slammed his hook on the table.

“We can’t play if you break the table”.


“Mickey, bring out my drink next, before I make you an appetizer!”

Mickey retreated into his bar as I finished this drink. I felt sorry for him, but remembered, this was just a dream. He would be good in disneyworld. He emerged with this brown drink that looked like coffee. I was happy but remembered it was a cocktail, not coffee. It had a chocolate covered banana. Two points for Scar!


“I present to you Lion’s Den. Too bad Mufasa can’t enjoy it”, he grinned.

“Ok, that’s low for you”, I said.

“I’m sorry. Tell me human, what do you think?”

I took a drink, and the chocolate mix with coffee tequila and bananas was sweet, spicy and tangy. It was something I would definitely have as a dessert drink. The whipped cream kept it cold and the chocolate covered banana was awesome. I had to admit it was getting interesting.

“This is great. I like the banana touch, very creative”.

“I’m not the evil lion everyone thinks I am…….most of the time”.

We dealt a couple more hands, and I was losing to due to being buzzed. Glad I ate before before I went to bed. Well maybe not, cause I’m playing cards with disney villains…..

“Miss”, mickey got my attention with this beautiful layered drink I never seen before. I was extremely taken and fascinated with this glass.



“The spell I have you under is called the Sorceress. It is something pride myself on creating, and getting that damn princess back with. Why I figured putting her to sleep would work is beyond me”.

“Because you’re an idiot. At least I just kill people” this blue haze chimed in.

“Remind me Hades, how did that work out for you with Hercules?”

“It’s beautiful, deadly, smooth, and gives a kick at the end. It describes you through and through”, I grinned, interrupting the banter.

“Thank you. I’m beginning to think this was a good idea”.

“Could I have a glass of water?”

“Mickey! Why are you slacking?! Can’t ever find good help anymore”, Ursela said.

I drank the water quickly, and tried to sober up some, but from what I could tell, I had three more to go. I would be dream hungover for sure. Mickey came back with another drink, as Cruella won this hand. This blue hue of a tall glass was just mesmerizing. I never seen anything like it, and didn’t know what to think. I sniffed it, and thought it was cinnamon but sweet and a hint of vanilla. I could tell the Bacardi 151 was on top.


“I wanted to invite you to my crib for drinks, but you would have to be dead to do it, so I brought them here. This is the ‘underworld’. Are you ok?”

I guess looked a little loopy, but I was as good as one could be in a dream state talking to cartoons, right?

“I’m fine”, I took a sip and it hit me like a ton of bricks, “Holy cow!”

“Nothing holy about that darlin’ it’s strong, just like me”.

“It’s pretty, and reminds me of my gas stove, but is spicy and gives a kick. It’s almost like you want me to pass out”.

“If it means I can have you soul, then by all means”.

“I think I’ll pass on that. That was the most creepy way to propose anything to a person”, I pushed the drink away.

I could see two sets of cards in my hand, and giggles were starting. I was drunk. I’m drunk and dreaming, even that’s a new one for me. Mickey took that drink, with Hades looking quite disappointed. This was one of those drinks you drink it alone, not after three other cocktails. I would have puked on his robe, and for sure went to the underworld. Mickey brought back this yellow drink that smelled sweet, and had an awesome garnish on the top.


“Now this, this is a drink you can sing to! Pulling into the dock to get the treasure you know is rightfully yours, and killing off that damned Peter Pan”.

“I’m not killing Peter Pan, what do you call this Hook?”

“Ships A’Hoy! This helps you get ready for a mission”.

“To kill Peter Pan, right?”

“Yes my lady. I mean why not?”

“Because don’t kill children, what kind of villain are you?”

“He started it”.

“I’ll admit, this is fruity and smooth, love the cherry coke twist”.

I finished the drink quick, but felt it as soon as I finished it. I just sat this round out of cards. I listened tot he banter, complaining, and giggling of these characters all in a haze. Mickey brought the last cocktail. This drink had so much detail, and I could tell, this was Cruella completely.



“It’s a furball, missy. Only the classy drink this. Please drink this and enjoy the fact I find you classy and beautiful like myself”.

“I don’t know if that’s an insult of complement. As long as you don’t try to kidnap my dog, we cool”.



“Keep it, they are worthless”.

“So you say, until she tears a new hole in your ass”.

I took a swig of this, and it was chocolate covered strawberries in a glass. I loved the chocolate pieces in the drink, very good selling point. At this point I couldn’t decide. They were all good in their own right. All six of them were stating at me, and Chester was grinning at me. It was tense. I didn’t know what to say.

Just like that I woke up. Before I could give my answer. I was confused but sober. I sat up, and looked down at my hand, and saw an Ace of Spaces in my hand.

What the Hell?

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